My Big News

Well, I thought I could wait, but I can't. For anyone who reads this (and there may only be one or two or less)...I AM PREGNANT.

I started my 10th week yesterday. The baby is due on October 31, 2009. A Halloween baby. I had an ultra-sound two weeks ago and we saw only one little buddy in there, arms and legs already waving. I am so incredibly queasy and tired (but cannot sleep) that the doctor said I could be having twins. Oh no! I'm so old, apparently, that I'm shooting many eggs (from all of my target practice when I was little and shot b-bs at my siblings). But, we saw only one in there and the technician said it was pretty accurate. She doesn't think another one will show up in a few weeks to join the party. Oh my.

I'm thrilled, but shell-shocked. I didn't think it would happen and it did. John John will be the Best big brother in the world. I can't even imagine another child. What will she or he be like? Will it be just like when I gave birth to John? Will the baby look like John, cry like John, move and smile and laugh like John? Will the baby nurse like John? Will I be better at meeting the baby's needs than I was with John? Will I pay as much attention to baby as I did to John? Will John feel neglected or will baby feel neglected? Will I be strong enough to carry them both when they are both crying and needing me?

And what about the logistics? How do I carry the baby and groceries from the car and make sure John doesn't run into the street? How do I put them both to bed at night - who goes first? How do I rock them both? Do I sing the same songs to baby that I sing to John? John's name is in lots of the songs - do I change that or make up new songs? What if they both cry at the same time at night - who do I go to first? Will I ever shower again? Are these abnormal questions? Am I crazy? Or stupid? I feel so inept, so inadequate, and the baby isn't even here yet.

John will probably cope with the baby better than I will. He will help because he is an amazing person. He is so full of love and joy and delight and appreciation that baby won't cry so much when John's around. I can't wait to see him in action. He will want to squeeze the baby and twirl it and throw it up into the air, like he does his stuffed animals because he is so in love with them. He will not stop smiling at the baby, he will be so full of love. I have a lot to learn from John Francis.