Whew. I haven't written for ages. Life takes a hold of me and I lose track of time and space. So much happens in one day sometimes, that the time from sun-up to sun-down takes hundreds of hours. Or so it seems.
I had my 20 week ultrasound yesterday and discovered we are having a boy. Yay! I am happy, and would have been just as happy if we were having a girl (Lucy Jo), but actually, I am simply relieved that so far the baby is healthy and developing properly. His head and heart and lungs and kidneys and liver and limbs are all normally growing and beating and moving. He was so cute, with his hands folded in front of his face, so we could not see his facial features really. For a brief moment we saw his mouth and nose and it looked like he was blowing me a kiss. He was really wiggling around, little buddy. I love feeling him move. I remember when John was born, one thing I really missed was feeling him moving inside of me. It is surprising and fun when baby moves, making me wonder what he is doing and thinking. Was that his elbow jabbing me or his hand? Is he telling me he is doing wonderfully or asking me to lean a different way? Is he happy or agitated as he pokes and wiggles. Is he dancing and running and hopping? We used to call John our little Johnny Jump-Up, since he seemed to jump inside of me. Now he loves to jump on and off everything. So cute.
I can't believe we are half-way to giving birth. Time is flying by. Our days are filled with playing and chores and errands and singing and stories and dancing and climbing and sliding and swinging and sandbox and water and hiding in the bushes and bark. John is all about having fun and laughing, which is so good for me. He reminds me daily that "for every job that's done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and....SNAP...the job's a game." John is so good for me. I can't imagine loving him more than I do, yet every day I love him more and more and find new things about him which are delightful.
I'm so lucky. So is our new baby - to have such an wonderful big brother and best friend. I hope so much for my two boys to adore each other and take care of each other and wrestle and share and test each other and accept each other and love each other more than anyone else. I hope they play well together, motivating and nudging and encouraging and helping along the way. I hope I can help create a strong loving trusting bond between the two of them.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Circle of Friends
This Sunday morning my closest friends and I will join to walk in the Race for the Cure - the cancer walk in Spokane, WA. Many of us have friends and family members who have been hit with cancer, but we unite for one very special reason.
Our sweet Jennifer was diagnosed this winter with breast cancer. She had a big lump in her breast, undetected because she was nursing her little Elena. Jennifer has an amazing husband, Cory, and 3 beautiful little children: Joshua, Tyler, and Elena. She is not even 40 years old. She is too young for cancer. She is too busy with her family to spend time fighting cancer. But she is doing it. Day in and day out, she remains strong and hopeful and present to her family and friends. The treatments are working. The lump is shrinking - a miracle is happening before our eyes. Jennifer lost her hair and is still so beautiful. Her grace and wisdom are actually helping us, her friends, deal with her cancer. She is the miracle, she is the hope we are seeking, she is the life we are walking for on sunday morning.
We walk for Jennifer, united for Jennifer. We haven't been together for over a year, all of us. Our families keep us busy and scattered. But we are all coming together for Jennifer, to laugh, to cry, to reminisce, to dream, to share stories and photos of our children. We love each other so much, and trust in each other, that we don't need to see each other every day or even every week. We know we can spend months apart and come together as if we've never been apart. Our circle of friends have been together for over 10 years, and will remain close forever, I think. BFF. They are wonderful supports, listeners, guides, comedians, story-tellers, musicians, runners, artists, teachers, cooks & bakers. They are wonderful moms, spouses, sisters, daughters. They are wonderful friends. I am so lucky. We all are, to have each other when the chips are down and when they are up.
Our Circle of Friends - look for us on Sunday, April 19. We will be wearing our special pink t-shirts and walking & running for Jennifer and for each other and for all of the other people in our worlds affected by cancer.
Our sweet Jennifer was diagnosed this winter with breast cancer. She had a big lump in her breast, undetected because she was nursing her little Elena. Jennifer has an amazing husband, Cory, and 3 beautiful little children: Joshua, Tyler, and Elena. She is not even 40 years old. She is too young for cancer. She is too busy with her family to spend time fighting cancer. But she is doing it. Day in and day out, she remains strong and hopeful and present to her family and friends. The treatments are working. The lump is shrinking - a miracle is happening before our eyes. Jennifer lost her hair and is still so beautiful. Her grace and wisdom are actually helping us, her friends, deal with her cancer. She is the miracle, she is the hope we are seeking, she is the life we are walking for on sunday morning.
We walk for Jennifer, united for Jennifer. We haven't been together for over a year, all of us. Our families keep us busy and scattered. But we are all coming together for Jennifer, to laugh, to cry, to reminisce, to dream, to share stories and photos of our children. We love each other so much, and trust in each other, that we don't need to see each other every day or even every week. We know we can spend months apart and come together as if we've never been apart. Our circle of friends have been together for over 10 years, and will remain close forever, I think. BFF. They are wonderful supports, listeners, guides, comedians, story-tellers, musicians, runners, artists, teachers, cooks & bakers. They are wonderful moms, spouses, sisters, daughters. They are wonderful friends. I am so lucky. We all are, to have each other when the chips are down and when they are up.
Our Circle of Friends - look for us on Sunday, April 19. We will be wearing our special pink t-shirts and walking & running for Jennifer and for each other and for all of the other people in our worlds affected by cancer.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My Big News
Well, I thought I could wait, but I can't. For anyone who reads this (and there may only be one or two or less)...I AM PREGNANT.
I started my 10th week yesterday. The baby is due on October 31, 2009. A Halloween baby. I had an ultra-sound two weeks ago and we saw only one little buddy in there, arms and legs already waving. I am so incredibly queasy and tired (but cannot sleep) that the doctor said I could be having twins. Oh no! I'm so old, apparently, that I'm shooting many eggs (from all of my target practice when I was little and shot b-bs at my siblings). But, we saw only one in there and the technician said it was pretty accurate. She doesn't think another one will show up in a few weeks to join the party. Oh my.
I'm thrilled, but shell-shocked. I didn't think it would happen and it did. John John will be the Best big brother in the world. I can't even imagine another child. What will she or he be like? Will it be just like when I gave birth to John? Will the baby look like John, cry like John, move and smile and laugh like John? Will the baby nurse like John? Will I be better at meeting the baby's needs than I was with John? Will I pay as much attention to baby as I did to John? Will John feel neglected or will baby feel neglected? Will I be strong enough to carry them both when they are both crying and needing me?
And what about the logistics? How do I carry the baby and groceries from the car and make sure John doesn't run into the street? How do I put them both to bed at night - who goes first? How do I rock them both? Do I sing the same songs to baby that I sing to John? John's name is in lots of the songs - do I change that or make up new songs? What if they both cry at the same time at night - who do I go to first? Will I ever shower again? Are these abnormal questions? Am I crazy? Or stupid? I feel so inept, so inadequate, and the baby isn't even here yet.
John will probably cope with the baby better than I will. He will help because he is an amazing person. He is so full of love and joy and delight and appreciation that baby won't cry so much when John's around. I can't wait to see him in action. He will want to squeeze the baby and twirl it and throw it up into the air, like he does his stuffed animals because he is so in love with them. He will not stop smiling at the baby, he will be so full of love. I have a lot to learn from John Francis.
I started my 10th week yesterday. The baby is due on October 31, 2009. A Halloween baby. I had an ultra-sound two weeks ago and we saw only one little buddy in there, arms and legs already waving. I am so incredibly queasy and tired (but cannot sleep) that the doctor said I could be having twins. Oh no! I'm so old, apparently, that I'm shooting many eggs (from all of my target practice when I was little and shot b-bs at my siblings). But, we saw only one in there and the technician said it was pretty accurate. She doesn't think another one will show up in a few weeks to join the party. Oh my.
I'm thrilled, but shell-shocked. I didn't think it would happen and it did. John John will be the Best big brother in the world. I can't even imagine another child. What will she or he be like? Will it be just like when I gave birth to John? Will the baby look like John, cry like John, move and smile and laugh like John? Will the baby nurse like John? Will I be better at meeting the baby's needs than I was with John? Will I pay as much attention to baby as I did to John? Will John feel neglected or will baby feel neglected? Will I be strong enough to carry them both when they are both crying and needing me?
And what about the logistics? How do I carry the baby and groceries from the car and make sure John doesn't run into the street? How do I put them both to bed at night - who goes first? How do I rock them both? Do I sing the same songs to baby that I sing to John? John's name is in lots of the songs - do I change that or make up new songs? What if they both cry at the same time at night - who do I go to first? Will I ever shower again? Are these abnormal questions? Am I crazy? Or stupid? I feel so inept, so inadequate, and the baby isn't even here yet.
John will probably cope with the baby better than I will. He will help because he is an amazing person. He is so full of love and joy and delight and appreciation that baby won't cry so much when John's around. I can't wait to see him in action. He will want to squeeze the baby and twirl it and throw it up into the air, like he does his stuffed animals because he is so in love with them. He will not stop smiling at the baby, he will be so full of love. I have a lot to learn from John Francis.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Our New Friends
This past fall, we enrolled John (and me) in a "preschool co-op". John and I go every Thursday morning, 9:30-11:30. We play and visit and climb and bounce and sing and listen to stories and paint and get wet and play with dough and glitter.
John has made some great new friends there - Benjamin, Wyatt, Andy, Quinn, Wyatt, Wentworth, Ty, Mason, Elisabella. And he is joined by his 3 best friends since birth - Perry, Reese, & Emilia.
I have made some wonderful friends as well - Cathy, Nancy, Susan, Stacey, Kristina, Leilani, Lara, Norma, and "Teacher Brenda". And I am joined by 2 of my very best friends - Jenny & Ann.
Everytime we drive by school, John cries and wants to go there to play. And I look forward to our Thursdays, wishing we all met another day (or two) each week. The rooms at co-op are filled with chatter and laughter - mostly from the moms. The children are pretty quiet, playing alongside each other. The moms don't stop talking and laughing and sharing and asking and joking and wondering.
We use each other as sounding boards for all the issues that come up with child-raising and being wives, mothers, and women. We share recipes and tips on how to get the children to eat vegetables. We discuss weaning from bottles and potty training. We give each other ideas for activities on snowy-rainy days and make plans to meet at a park the next day...to give the children a chance to play, of course, but mostly to give us a chance to visit again. I admire these women so much. They make me laugh like no one else can right now. They help me keep things in perspective. They help me feel as if I'm not an understimulating mom or boring person. Because many days, I feel sorry for poor John, stuck at home with me. My friends make me feel special and needed and appreciated.
We found out last night (we all got together at a local restaurant for a baby shower) that most of us are in our upper 30s through mid-40s. The youngest woman is 33, the oldest is 45. Six of the moms (out of 11) are pregnant, including the 33 and 45 year-olds. I'm so relieved to know I am not the oldest. I FEEL the oldest most days, but many of the women are my age or close.
We have all registered for co-op for next fall, thankfully. I don't know what I'd do without the women or children. I'm beginning to love them like old friends. I am beginning to rely on them and need to see them at least once a week. When one is missing from school, I really miss them and wonder what's wrong. We are trying to get together to play at least one day each week, and will continue that through the summer. Whew. I don't know what I'd do without them. I love my friends.
John has made some great new friends there - Benjamin, Wyatt, Andy, Quinn, Wyatt, Wentworth, Ty, Mason, Elisabella. And he is joined by his 3 best friends since birth - Perry, Reese, & Emilia.
I have made some wonderful friends as well - Cathy, Nancy, Susan, Stacey, Kristina, Leilani, Lara, Norma, and "Teacher Brenda". And I am joined by 2 of my very best friends - Jenny & Ann.
Everytime we drive by school, John cries and wants to go there to play. And I look forward to our Thursdays, wishing we all met another day (or two) each week. The rooms at co-op are filled with chatter and laughter - mostly from the moms. The children are pretty quiet, playing alongside each other. The moms don't stop talking and laughing and sharing and asking and joking and wondering.
We use each other as sounding boards for all the issues that come up with child-raising and being wives, mothers, and women. We share recipes and tips on how to get the children to eat vegetables. We discuss weaning from bottles and potty training. We give each other ideas for activities on snowy-rainy days and make plans to meet at a park the next day...to give the children a chance to play, of course, but mostly to give us a chance to visit again. I admire these women so much. They make me laugh like no one else can right now. They help me keep things in perspective. They help me feel as if I'm not an understimulating mom or boring person. Because many days, I feel sorry for poor John, stuck at home with me. My friends make me feel special and needed and appreciated.
We found out last night (we all got together at a local restaurant for a baby shower) that most of us are in our upper 30s through mid-40s. The youngest woman is 33, the oldest is 45. Six of the moms (out of 11) are pregnant, including the 33 and 45 year-olds. I'm so relieved to know I am not the oldest. I FEEL the oldest most days, but many of the women are my age or close.
We have all registered for co-op for next fall, thankfully. I don't know what I'd do without the women or children. I'm beginning to love them like old friends. I am beginning to rely on them and need to see them at least once a week. When one is missing from school, I really miss them and wonder what's wrong. We are trying to get together to play at least one day each week, and will continue that through the summer. Whew. I don't know what I'd do without them. I love my friends.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
He Remembered
Yes, he remembered my birthday 2 days later. He was looking at the calendar, checking his work schedule, as I was setting the table for dinner. I heard him count the days, figuring out the current date. Then his jaw dropped and he turned pale. I heard him mumble, "Oh, my god, oh, my god...." It was all I could do not to laugh. He walked in to John and me in the living room and said, ashen faced, "Sweetie, I have something to tell you....I forgot your birthday. I can't believe it." I didn't react, I didn't get mad or sarcastic. I just said, "I know." He asked me why I didn't remind him (can you believe it????) and I told him of the UMPTEEN times I reminded him. He admitted to that, then apologized and felt so badly. He will make it up to me, he said. I told him I want a whole day for my birthday, to end in a lovely dinner with the 3 of us. I'm still figuring out what exactly I want and will let him know when I am good and ready. (:
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The Next Day
At what point do I tell my clueless husband that he forgot my birthday? He still does not remember and I'm kind of wanting to wait to see how long it takes him. We may be seeing this well into March. Maybe, when I start planning John's 2nd birthday at the end of April, my husband may clue in that he missed something. Maybe I should throw a HUGE party here next weekend, when he is out of town, and not clean up before he gets home. Hmmm.... I could really play this. Maybe I should send myself a big bouquet of flowers with no card, just to make him wonder if I have a secret admirer. Maybe I should max out the credit card and buy myself a diamond. I'd rather have a kayak. Hmmm..... the possibilities are endless. Any ideas? (:
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Today is My Birthday
Today I turn 42 years. 42 years young, I'd like to think. I woke up with a huge zit on my upper lip. You'd think I was turning 16 or something. Ugh.
My damn husband forgot my birthday. He is out of town, I know, but every phone call from him in Montana yielded nothing about me or my birthday. And he called me 4 or 5 times. He remembered that Tiger Woods' first big golf game, after a long hiatus, was today. He was at the Bulldog Tavern in Whitefish, MT, early, just so he could have some cold beer and good seat waiting for him. No amount of reminding him helped him remember my day. I even told him exactly what I wanted and where to get them (Brooks running shoes, size 8.5, from "runner's soul" downtown). I didn't remind him today, because I actually thought he was planning a surprise. I thought his not mentioning my birthday was because he was going to surprise me with something - flowers delivered or a UPS package from Whitefish waiting for me. He forgot. He never ever mentioned my birthday. He even wondered why our voicemail was full this evening when he was trying to call for the 5th time. He was mad. Don't I erase these stupid messages? When he finally got through (he called my cell) he chewed me out. I hate him. I believe this is grounds for divorce. What do you think?
My damn husband forgot my birthday. He is out of town, I know, but every phone call from him in Montana yielded nothing about me or my birthday. And he called me 4 or 5 times. He remembered that Tiger Woods' first big golf game, after a long hiatus, was today. He was at the Bulldog Tavern in Whitefish, MT, early, just so he could have some cold beer and good seat waiting for him. No amount of reminding him helped him remember my day. I even told him exactly what I wanted and where to get them (Brooks running shoes, size 8.5, from "runner's soul" downtown). I didn't remind him today, because I actually thought he was planning a surprise. I thought his not mentioning my birthday was because he was going to surprise me with something - flowers delivered or a UPS package from Whitefish waiting for me. He forgot. He never ever mentioned my birthday. He even wondered why our voicemail was full this evening when he was trying to call for the 5th time. He was mad. Don't I erase these stupid messages? When he finally got through (he called my cell) he chewed me out. I hate him. I believe this is grounds for divorce. What do you think?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Under the Door
In our little house, the laundry room and computer are in the basement. I don't like to bring John downstairs - it is cold, messy, full of lead paint and asbestos. When my husband was home this morning, I "snuck" downstairs to start a load of laundry. John notices everything. I heard his lamb cry and pictured him pointing to the closed basement door. Sure enough, as I began to go up the stairs, I could see him, his big blue eyes and his nose, on the kitchen floor right in front of our dog's food and water dishes. He was peeking under the door, trying to see me. His pudgy feet were in William's food, but he didn't care. He needed to see mommy. I paused on the steps, looking right into John's eyes. They widened and he waited for my next move. I gave him a big smile, said "I see you..." and he started to laugh-cry. I raced upstairs for my big hug and his cry that meant "why did you leave me?" It is so nice to be needed every single minute of every single day and night.
Monday, February 23, 2009
My Profile
I just created my profile. I posted a photo I took of John and me during the summer of 2007. I look nothing like that now. John was just over a year old, I had just chopped off my long blond hair, which had turned brown after I gave birth. I used to be a bodacious blonde bimbo, now I am a brown-haired mom with cellulite. Hmm...something's gotta change. I want to be "Stacey's mom" who's got it hangin' on. I'm working on that daily. I'm growing out my hair, I got rid of the mousey brown and gray, I'm losing my baby weight (finally, after almost 2 years). My sister is helping me dress better, sending me Levi's and tightly fitting t-shirts with low necks, funky jewelry. I'm told I don't look (almost) 42, nor do I act it. I sure hope not. Stacey's mom has got to at least be in her 30s.
Then I got married?
My previous post made it sound as if my happy life ended when I got married. In many ways, it did. Living with my husband has definitely made me appreciate living alone for all the years that I did. Don't get me wrong...I love my husband. We were best friends for many years before we got married. We had our ups and downs, as all couples do, but we pulled through them, and I'm hoping we pull through the rest of them for as long as we live together married. (: He does get mad when I introduce him to people as "my first husband".
We were married in June, 2006, 4 months after I turned 39. We really didn't go on a honeymoon together. A sticky situation with my husband's 17 year-old son and the ex-wife made it impossible for us to get away. I'll write more about that later, maybe. Maybe not because it makes me so mad. Anyway, my husband went on our honeymoon with his high school buddies, crabbing on the Washington State coast. I went on our honeymoon to my sister's house in Portland, OR. We both had a lovely time on our honeymoons. Too bad we were apart for them. Maybe that was for the best, too. I had a blast in Portland. (:
I got "knocked up" at the end of July. I love saying that. I taught at a Catholic school, so I was thrilled to be able to say I was a "knocked up Catholic school teacher." Not many people say that. In fact, I don't know anyone else besides me who has ever said that. A bit too irreverent, I guess.
I loved being pregnant. I was able to gain 40 pounds, guilt-free, with doctor's permission. I was considered "at risk" because I was over 35. This meant I had to stop running. I had started running for the first time in my life the summer of 2006. I was loving it and losing weight. I actually started looking and feeling "hot". Then I had sex with my husband and got pregnant. That turned everything upside down. Wouldn't you know it.
We were married in June, 2006, 4 months after I turned 39. We really didn't go on a honeymoon together. A sticky situation with my husband's 17 year-old son and the ex-wife made it impossible for us to get away. I'll write more about that later, maybe. Maybe not because it makes me so mad. Anyway, my husband went on our honeymoon with his high school buddies, crabbing on the Washington State coast. I went on our honeymoon to my sister's house in Portland, OR. We both had a lovely time on our honeymoons. Too bad we were apart for them. Maybe that was for the best, too. I had a blast in Portland. (:
I got "knocked up" at the end of July. I love saying that. I taught at a Catholic school, so I was thrilled to be able to say I was a "knocked up Catholic school teacher." Not many people say that. In fact, I don't know anyone else besides me who has ever said that. A bit too irreverent, I guess.
I loved being pregnant. I was able to gain 40 pounds, guilt-free, with doctor's permission. I was considered "at risk" because I was over 35. This meant I had to stop running. I had started running for the first time in my life the summer of 2006. I was loving it and losing weight. I actually started looking and feeling "hot". Then I had sex with my husband and got pregnant. That turned everything upside down. Wouldn't you know it.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Who Am I?
I will turn 42 years old in 4 days. I have a 22-month-old son. I gave birth to John when I was 40. I hope to have another child soon (cross your fingers).
I was quite traditional - went to high school, then to college for my BA, then to a university to earn my Teaching Cert. and Master's in Ed. I taught elementary school for 16 years. I have made many amazing friends along the way.
Then I became a bit untraditional - I worked hard and I played hard. I dated many amazing men. None were keepers, though. I traveled to Ireland, Boston, California, Oregon, Chicago, Montana, more than a few times. I was a Free Bird. I was living the dream. I bought my own house, entertained every weekend (and during the week), bicycled, snow skied, hiked, kayaked. I loved my life.
Then I got married.
I was quite traditional - went to high school, then to college for my BA, then to a university to earn my Teaching Cert. and Master's in Ed. I taught elementary school for 16 years. I have made many amazing friends along the way.
Then I became a bit untraditional - I worked hard and I played hard. I dated many amazing men. None were keepers, though. I traveled to Ireland, Boston, California, Oregon, Chicago, Montana, more than a few times. I was a Free Bird. I was living the dream. I bought my own house, entertained every weekend (and during the week), bicycled, snow skied, hiked, kayaked. I loved my life.
Then I got married.
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