I'm grabbing at these days, these last days of summer. My sweet angel-baby John is going to go to pre-school in a couple of weeks. 5 DAYS A WEEK!!! I'm not ready. I don't want to just drop him off, leave him to someone else who won't love him the way I do. She won't listen to him the way I do, she won't notice every little thing he does and says.
John will be in the classroom 3 hours each day with 19 other children and two teachers. The teachers are wonderful. They are loving and knowledgeable, experienced and creative. They are kind and comforting and patient. John will (hopefully) thrive in his preschool. BUT HE'S MY BABY AND HE'LL BE AWAY FROM ME FOR 3 HOURS 5 DAYS A WEEK. He's probably ready. I'm not ready. He'll learn and play and explore and make new friends. He'll see and do things that I could never offer him. He'll have experiences and opportunities that I cannot give him. He'll probably love preschool and like going there each day. I want that for him.
But I'm going to miss him so much. Who will smile at him and watch the cool things he does? Will he say "Want to see this?"? And will anyone say back to him "Yes, John, show me."? When he does something great, or figures something out, or keeps trying not crying, who will acknowledge him? Who will meet his eyes across the room and smile? Who will notice him? If he gets hurt, or if his feelings get hurt, will he turn to someone or will he suffer silently? Will he swallow the urge to cry? His loving soccer ball (his lovey) won't be with him, and neither will I. Will he lose his sensitivity, his vulnerability? Will he become hardened, unfeeling? He's so sweet and little and tender. I don't want that to go away. I don't want to miss out on ANYTHING in John's life. My baby John is growing up and I don't want him to. I want him to stay 3, to stay home with me and play all day. I want to snuggle with him, wrestle with him, twirl and chase him. I want to push little John in the swing for hours, so high that his feet touch the cedar branches above.
I'm not ready for John to go to preschool. John's ready. He'll be okay. He'll be wonderful. I won't. I won't be okay. I'll have to hide my tears as I walk to the car and drive away. I'll have to keep reminding myself that he's where he's supposed to be, he's going to love his school and teacher and classmates. I'll have to spend our afternoons playing and snuggling and watching and listening and delighting in my John. I have to be smart about how I spend my time with my babies, because it is so fleeting.
Oops, I just tried posting a comment and it didn't work - not sure why. I'll try again.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to acknowledge that I could hear the anxiety and worry in your voice. I so agree with you that time IS fleeting - I don't want my boy to grow up - I love each age he's been at so far and feel like I can't afford to miss a single moment of it. To be honest, your words reminded me of how I used to feel before we made the decision to homeschool...have you ever thought of that option??? Never thought I could do that, but here we are about to start year 2! Though homeschooling is also a hard decision to make and implement, it certainly provides a way of not missing a moment and providing opportunities that he'll never have at school. Anyway, there's my big nose butting in! Feel free to ignore me...many do!!
I will be thinking of you as you and John get ready for THE day, and hope it goes well. I continue to be amazed by the openness with which you post - I love reading your writing.
Blessings,
Ruth
Yes, it is. Some days I fight it and some days I just give in. They grow so fast.
ReplyDeleteHi again.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say thank you for your recent comments on my blog - you've been very supportive and empathetic. I also really appreciated your comment re: my homeschooling lessons for Matthew. I didn't know that you've been a grade 2 teacher - wow - do I wish I had your experience!
Any chance you could email me? I'd love to have your input on my h/schooling lessons, etc. My email address is: ruthbranson@shaw.ca.
In answer to your question re: phonics - last year, during his kindergarten year, we worked through all but the last few lessons of a book called: 100 Easy Lessons to Teach Your CHild to Read. It was completely phonics based and it worked will for him up til the last few lessons when he was sick of the book and wanted to just start on some early readers. So he knows all of his letter sounds, and many of the combined-letter sounds (eg. th, ch, sh, ou, ow, ing, etc etc). This year, to enhance his phonics, we're working on Explode the Code books, which have worked well at least for this week.
Then, this summer, a teacher I know around here told me about Dolche words. I'd never heard of them, but looked it up. A guy by the name of Dolche created lists of words (by grade) that are the most commonly used words in children's literature. The suggestion is that if kids can learn these 2-300 words by sight, it makes reading that much easier. I thought it was a good idea, so I got the list of grade one words (maybe 70 words??) and thought we'd work at his learning these. I figure it can't hurt!
Anyway, if you have a chance to email me, that would be great. And if you have other questions, or any suggestions, either would be welcome.
Thanks so much.
Blessings,
Ruth
I just found your blog, and must ask the question, "WHY???"
ReplyDeleteWhy does he need to go to preschool?
Why so young?
Why 5 days/week?
It sounds like you LOVE being a mommy ... so WHY NOT keep him home ... now, and in the future.
I'm a mama of a dozen children ... and I've been teaching them at home for the past 20 years.
Preschool? Oh. My. No.
Laurel :)